Sometimes I wish I could just watch Netflix…

Photo by freestocks.org on Unsplash

“You get that from your father.” This is a common saying from my mother when referring to one of my bad traits, as all bad traits come from him apparently (joke).

I don’t know if the trait I am discussing today is bad or not but, at times it’s frustrating. Also I don’t know if I get this from my father as I can see bits of it in both my parents.

The issue is sometimes I wish I could just sit and watch Netflix and be content. But I can’t! I’m a doer, I get very frustrated when I cannot get things done or feel I am being unproductive. I always need to feel I’m getting something done. When I sit and watch TV or do something similar I often feel guilty that I am not achieving anything. I sit and think there are things that need to be done and can’t relax.

Probably having this disposition is one reason I enjoy Ultrarunning so much. It gives me a sense of achievement and it takes a large amount of time. A calming time as running is one of the few times when my mind is at peace and I feel that I am doing the best thing I can possibly be doing at that moment.

This is particularly frustrating for me at the moment. My wife gave birth to our second child on Monday. Currently that means, I can’t plan anything. I can’t train (seriously at least). I can’t book in a race to do. So one of my main sources of achievement is currently off limits. But even other everyday things I use to prove I am “achieving something” are difficult, small things such as I may not finish a library book before I have to return it.

This issue I have presented itself on my last night at home before my wife and son returned from the hospital. My wife texted and asked what I was doing and I replied “I’m watching cricket, doing a some work and will then write a blog.” I should have been relaxing enjoying the week but I struggle to just sit.

Leading up to the birth was also frustrating as I was restricted in what I could do. Normally we would be at the beach on holiday, many of our friends and family were away. But we needed to remain close to the hospital as our new arrival could come at anytime. My wife was restricted in what she was able to do given she was 9 months pregnant. So I had to find things to do to keep myself busy. This included researching and writing a 15,000 word short story which, I then thought was terrible. I planted a vegetable garden, ran as much as possible and did as much work for my job as possible but that was difficult as much of Australia was on holidays.

This time with my newborn son is magical and he’s a magic little creation. I am enjoying it and am trying to slow myself and enjoy the moment, but I still have a nagging in the back of my mind to achieve something.

So there is a good chance these blog posts will increase as I do feel a sense of achievement when I push post (the quality may reduce given I’ll be blurry eyed, but some may say the quality couldn’t decrease further (joke)). So this small thing being done regularly may help me sleep at night although I need my baby boy to play ball with that to. Maybe this time will help me learn to relax a bit more and maybe even watch a little bit of Netflix occasionally without feeling guilty.